Where to begin? I don’t remember who first told me about ECC. I think I knew about it for a while before I found the courage to go to an event. Anyhow, around New Year 11 years ago I arrived at Wasdale, tired, scared and angry. I was greeted by a man who told me, in what I felt was a supercilious manner, that this was his 22nd event and he was an organiser. I hated being there for about the first three or four days but the weather was fabulous and the mountains were mirrored in magical colours on the surface of the lake.

On a workshop something changed. We’d been requested to go outside and find things that touched us: I found so much that I was over-whelmed. The little birds near the hostel that looked fragile but could withstand fierce winters; the beauty of the mountains in late afternoon sun; a young man who seemed to me to embody all the qualities of truth, optimism and intelligence that I’d lost or squandered. Finally, myself a sad bitter man who’d lost any pleasure in being gay. AIDS and the loss of friends and contemporaries plus the end of a 15-year relationship had taken their toll, and I’d little idea who I was.

Without knowing it I’d found a community that I belonged to, one that could accept me where I was, ignore the crap I was throwing around and could see and value the person I am. The result was I wasn’t alone. I made friends: some of them were short-lived relationships; others are still growing and unfolding. One of the benefits for me is that years later there’s a second or third chance to connect in a different way with people I might have missed or not understood. I have a frightened side to my character that’s quick to judge and often shouts before it gets hurt, and it frequently wants attention without having to ask for it. ECC events often challenge that part of me and I get to re-jig myself for the better, I hope yet again. There are often times where I long for the kind of camaraderie on a daily basis.

If all this sounds heavy then let me also say there have been times when I’ve laughed till it hurt, been held by groups of men until I’ve gone to sleep with bliss, been taken on wonderful mountain walks and had great sex. A jelly fight that was over too soon gave me almost spiritual joy.

I’m grateful to the men who founded ECC for lots of reasons. The main one is that I’ve had a testing place where I can go on all kind of new adventures with a host of companions and brother figures. I’ve found teachers and friends. My life has been much richer for the experience.